L’Shanah Tovah! Tonight is Rosh Hashanah, the head of the Jewish year, and beginning of the year 5776. This day (Tishrei 1st) is also called Yom Teruah—the day of shouting (also called the Feast of Trumpets). I have noticed that Christian/Messianic congregations often focus on celebrating from the perspective of Yom Teruah as there is so much eschatological significance; but I would like to express the depth and beauty of this holiday from a different angle.

Rosh Hashanah looks back to remember the beginning—how God created the heavens and the earth. Yet even though Rosh Hashanah begins the new year, it is the seventh month on the Hebrew calendar, because after the creation came a re-creation. After the world and calendar was established, God declared that Nissan—the month in which Passover occurs—would be the first month; a new beginning (Ex. 12:2). So, just as we were born, and then are spiritually re-born in Messiah Jesus, so was the earth created, then “re-created” in the month of the Passover Lamb and exodus! Only believers can appreciate these parallels.

Rosh Hashanah also begins the important ten day period of the High Holidays, or Days of Awe, culminating in Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement). This is a time of serious reflection and re-centering. We remember that God is the Creator of the universe, high above all else. We remember who He has created us to be within the world. We go back to a pure foundation of intimacy in Him through repentance (tashlich): casting aside the old, sinful, and not-beneficial, and anticipating instead the sweetness of the Lord, which we are invited to taste and see (Psalm 34:8).

As we enter into this exciting new season I pray that you would be blessed, strengthened, and awed by the beauty and glory of our Lord, who has created and called you to exciting new things in Him.

 

 

My senior year of high school I unexpectedly found myself taking Choir in order to meet my fine art credit. I’m not the sing-in-public type—plus was more “jock” than “musical”—so it was an interesting and empowering experience.

In preparation for an upcoming concert our teacher guided us into the auditorium, switched off the lights, and had us practice singing a cappella in a circle in the dark.

In the dark there were no distractions. In the dark our ears became more sensitive to the sounds, and we were more likely to stay on tune within our various parts. It was really beautiful—one of my favorite moments, even though I have no memory of the song itself.

I have had a shift in my spirit of embracing my challenges. And somehow, I have had more physical energy, more joy, and more peace, even though I am still chronically ill and struggling through the symptoms of my conditions.

It’s tempting, when the lights go out in our lives—when life is difficult—to stop worshipping God. Maybe we mean to worship Him, but we are so busy and distracted in trying to find the light—the way out—that it doesn’t happen. But in the darkness when our emotions and senses are heightened there is an opportunity to hear God more than ever. We can embrace the longings within our own souls, and surrender them passionately. Longing without hope becomes desperation, but longing with God leads to deep intimacy.

“May the God of your hope so fill you with all joy and peace in believing that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound and be overflowing (bubbling over) with hope.” (Rom. 15:13 AMP)

 

 

I have been at the Bethel Healing School this week in Redding, CA, and it has been awesome. People are here from all over the world learning how to rest in God’s love and allow Him to bring healing in and through them.

I had a surprise healing gift on Wednesday night. I had started loosing my hair in big patches earlier in the seminary semester while I was still in class. I am still not certain the cause—if it was stress related or something else (I think the latter, although I was too stressed to see yet another doctor; haha. My “internet guess” is Alopecia Areata because of the formation of the spots.). It started as a few small patches, and grew into larger patches. I have had much bigger health issues to worry about, so my hair has not been on my mind as a major need except for remembering the loss as I am brushing it in the mornings. I have had to change my part line because of the largest patch (about the size of a quarter), which is near where I would typically part my hair. The lack of hair has also felt like an indentation, so I have been reminded if I touch my head.

Anyway, during last night’s healing session someone had a “word of knowledge” (spiritual wisdom) that God was going to heal baldness right then (many other words were also given, and many others received healing for their needs). I stood to receive healing, and a gal standing behind me prayed over me for this and my other issues. Suddenly, sprouts of hair grew where there had been nothing before. My hair is growing back! Yay Jesus!

Ironically, I had felt compelled to take a picture of my missing hair in the hotel on the way to the event that day, because I thought maybe I would be healed soon. So, I have pictures.

The first picture has a bit of a glare from the bathroom light and morning sun (my head is not really so white, but there were no hairs except a couple full length ones from the center of the patch).

The second picture is the same day when I arrived back to the hotel in the evening after sunset, and it is thus a little too dark, but shows the new growth well nevertheless. So, although both pictures are unintentionally exaggerated because of the lighting, I think you will get the idea: missing hair, then small spiky new growth! It is because God loves me.

Do you know God loves you too? His love is not connected to what you do. Healing is a free gift, just as salvation is. He heals because He loves. He redeems because He loves. Not being healed does not mean lack of love, but is an invitation to press in deeper—and that is what I am doing with my other health issues.

If you need healing, may Jesus heal you now. Be blessed. :-)

Someone emailed me recently, asking what I meant on the “About Me” page when I mentioned I was baptized in the Holy Spirit. I really can’t believe I haven’t blogged about this already, since there is so much to say on the topic. I’m going to post a few entries about this, trying to keep each one concise enough to be comprehensible; I’ll begin with my personal experience and move on shortly to the more important theological and biblical contexts.

I was first introduced to the idea of the baptism in the Holy Spirit in college. I had joined a campus ministry that happened to be under the Assemblies of God denomination, which is somewhat charismatic. Although I was incapable at that point of comprehending much of anything theological (because of my deep involvement in the occult and inhabiting demonic spirits), I do remember some of my Christian friends engaging in a long argument about the baptism in the Holy Spirit and, as they put it, the “initial evidence of speaking in tongues”. Not everyone in the campus fellowship came from an AG background (most, probably, did not); and it quickly became a big discussion, with both sides using scripture to defend their positions. I did not know what was going on, but I knew I wanted more of God, so I started praying that I, too, would speak in tongues. It didn’t happen, and eventually other prayers—for survival and basic needs—took priority.

Some years later, I had reached my “bottom”. It was our first year of marriage, and I was so troubled that my problems were affecting both of us. I was seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist and taking tons of medication for my various psychological diagnoses, with little positive effect. Through God’s divine providence, I was given the opportunity to meet with a deliverance minister. (Deliverance ministers are like specialized counselors: they do everything from “normal” God-centered counseling and reconciliation, to helping people connect with and hear God personally, helping people understand and renounce the lies that they have believed, to the more extreme cases of casting out demons.) My first meeting with the deliverance minister, he asked if I had been baptized in water and received Jesus as my savior. I affirmed that I had. Then he asked if I had been baptized in the Holy Spirit. I didn’t understand his question.

The minister explained to me on real simple terms the basics about the Holy Spirit, the importance of building a relationship with Him, and the “baptism in the Holy Spirit” that John the Baptist indicates as a separate experience from water baptism (Mark 1:7-8, Luke 3:16, John 1:31-34), and which is extended on in other places in the New Testament (especially: Acts 8:12-17, Acts 10:44-48, Acts 19:1-7) . Something like that… Honestly, I don’t remember much of what he said.

I decided to welcome the Holy Spirit into my life. But, as soon as I began to ask Him, I was overcome with fear, and wasn’t sure I wanted my life to change. I was still inhabited by multiple demons at this point, so it was a really intense moment and decision. My vision became completely red for a moment, and I was paralyzed with a fear that prevented me from calling on God. The pastor could see that something was going on and asked me what I was feeling. He told me I needed to be absolutely sure that I wanted more of God, because I would have to give up everything.

After a moment of thought, I was sure of my decision. I asked the Holy Spirit very simply and sincerely to come into my life, and He answered my prayer. I immediately fell over. It felt like slow motion—not that anyone was pushing me over (no one was touching me)—but that I could not stand up in the presence of such a mighty God. I felt His presence fall on my head, and travel through my body. I saw a translucent gold water rush through my insides; it stayed in my vision for some time. (Later, as I read the gospel of John, I read that the Holy Spirit is living water, and recalled my experience—I can’t think of a better way to describe this except that living water had rushed into me.) I also felt pure joy, and began to laugh uncontrollably as the joy continued to surround me. It was the first time I had felt freedom.

I did not begin to speak in tongues that day. (I do now, and will share that experience upon request.) It also took three months for the inhabiting demons to be cast out—not that it couldn’t have happened instantly, but that by dealing with it slowly, I was able to close the spiritual doors that should never have been opened, and to gain more understanding of the spiritual realm.

Here is what did happen right away:

• I received the fruit of the Spirit: most notably, peace and joy
• For the first time, I became absolutely confident of my salvation
• I became free from the bondage of sin (if and when I sin now, it is completely my own decision and rebellion)
• I was given a desire to read the Bible, especially the gospels and New Testament, which had never interested me in the past
• I became able to understand the scriptures (not completely, of course, but in a way that had not been possible before)
• I became able to hear from God and recognize His voice (not that He hadn't already been speaking to me, but that my relationship with Him quickly developed into a two-way friendship)
• The Holy Spirit became my helper, my teacher, my comforter, and my friend--I could not have made it through the rest of my deliverance (or life thus far) without Him

There are so many ways that the baptism in the Holy Spirit comes about--sometimes in monumental experiences, and sometimes much more subtly. The initial evidences of this experience are also varied. I have been involved with a variety of churches, and have noticed that some Christians do not believe in a separate baptism of the Holy Spirit, and yet have experienced it unintentionally by sincerely pursuing God. Stay tuned: next time I'll address the biblical context of the baptism in the Holy Spirit.

I wrote this over a month ago in the midst of a physically trying moment and didn’t have the energy to edit it into a post.  I’m now 21 weeks pregnant, and have been feeling much better: nausea only in the evenings, less fatigue, and the comfort of feeling our little one move and remembering why I’m doing this.

This is what I wrote ten weeks ago:

I’ve pretty much been sick all eleven weeks of my pregnancy, minus a few great days here and there.  I’ve had the flu; I’ve had a long-lasting cough that threatened premature contractions; and the normal pregnancy symptoms (nausea, headaches, fatigue) have been enough to deal with on their own.

But while my tolerances have been stretched, this has also been an excellent opportunity for me to see my spiritual weaknesses and to fully depend on the Lord.

There is nothing like having the areas we most depend on ripped out from under us.  I’ve always been physically pretty healthy, and didn’t realize how much I’d pulled comfort and strength from my place of good health.  Having almost constant pain lately has been quite humbling.  I’ve also become aware of other areas in my spirit that need spiritual transformation, which likely would have gone unnoticed without this ‘forced fasting’.

For the first time, I think I’m understanding the spiritual directive to have joy within suffering—to count it my blessing when I experience trials (James 1:2-4, 2 Cor 12:7-10, Phil 4:11).  I’m not sure there’s a way to articulate this concept, but it is certainly a blessing to experience such a joy.  I have especially have fond memories of spending hours vomiting with intermittent praises to the Lord, and though I also don’t want that pain again anytime soon, it’s really quite amazing that I’d even think in such a way.

To my friends who are also facing physical trials: I want to encourage you not to pray immediately for healing or a ‘fixed’ circumstance, but to first press into the raw love of the Lord.  I have frequently been blessed with sudden immediate healing from the Lord upon praying—there is definitely a place for this and it can increase our faith in a miracle working God.  But let the Spirit lead you to pray before you assume you know what’s best.  I have occasionally been lead to pray for other things: for endurance and strength to face the trial, for the physical manifestation of the Lord’s love and peace, for wisdom and revelation of who He is, for heart, soul and spirit to be transformed into His nature, for the ability to rest in Him despite the circumstance, and so forth.  Sometimes the answers to heart issues are much more rewarding than the healing of the physical issues.

I pray we would not miss out on any of the Lord’s gifts, even when they come in painful packages.  There is a time and a season for everything under heaven (Eccl 3).